GE to Caroline [Mrs. Charles] Bray, East Sheen, 4 September [1855]
Title
GE to Caroline [Mrs. Charles] Bray, East Sheen, 4 September [1855]
Title
GE to Caroline [Mrs. Charles] Bray, East Sheen, 4 September [1855]
Sender
George Eliot
Recipient
Caroline [Mrs. Charles] Bray
Date(s)
- 1855-09-04
Place
East Sheen
Letter Content
GE to Caroline [Mrs. Charles] Bray, East Sheen, 4 September [1855]
MS: Yale. Endorsed: 1855. About her union with Mr. Lewes. Extracts published: Cross, I, 327-329.
Clarence Row | September 4.
Dear Cara
No one has better reason than myself to know how difficult it is to produce a true impression by letters, and how likely they are to be misinterpreted even where years of friendship might seem to furnish a sufficient key. And it seems the more probable to me that I misinterpreted your letter to me at Berlin 623 since I find that my answer to it produced totally false conclusions in your mind. Assuredly if there be any one subject on which I feel no levity it is that of marriage and the relation of the sexes -- if there is any one action or relation of my life which is and always has been profoundly serious, it is my relation to Mr. Lewes. If any expression or parallel in my letter bore an opposite construction it must have been, because you interpreted as of general application what I intended simply in answer to what I considered Mr. Combe's petty and absurd views about the effect on his reputation of having introduced me to one or two of his friends. Nothing that I said in that letter was intended as a discussion of the principles of my conduct or as an answer to your opinions on the subject.
It is, however, natural enough that you should mistake me in many ways, for not only are you unacquainted with Mr. Lewes's real character and the course of his actions, but also, it is several years now since you and I were much together, and it is possible that the modifications my mind has undergone may be in quite the opposite direction to what you imagine. No one can be better aware than yourself that it is possible for two people to hold different opinions on momentous subjects with equal sincerity and an equally earnest conviction that their respective opinions are alone the truly moral ones. If we differ on the subject of the marriage laws, I at least can believe of you that you cleave to what you believe to be good, and I don't know of anything in the nature of your views that should prevent you from believing the same of me. How far we differ I think we neither of us know; for I am ignorant of your precise views and apparently you attribute to me both feelings and opinions which are not mine. We cannot set each other quite right on this matter in letters, but one thing I can tell you in few words. Light and easily broken ties are what I neither desire theoretically nor could live for practically. Women who are satisfied with such ties do not act as I have done -- they obtain what they desire and are still invited to dinner. 624
That any unworldly, unsuperstitious person who is sufficiently acquainted with the realities of life can pronounce my relation to Mr. Lewes immoral I can only understand by remembering how subtle and complex are the influences that mould opinion. But I do remember this, and I indulge in no arrogant or uncharitable thoughts about those who condemn us, even though we might have expected a somewhat different verdict. From the majority of persons, of course, we never looked for anything but condemnation. We are leading no life of self-indulgence, except indeed, that being happy in each other, we find everything easy. We are working hard to provide for others better than we provide for ourselves, and to fulfil every responsibility that lies upon us. Levity and pride would not be a sufficient basis for that.
Pardon me, dear Cara, if in vindicating myself from some unjust conclusions, I seem too cold and self-asserting. I should not care to vindicate myself, if I did not love you and desire to relieve you of the pain which you say these conclusions have given you. Whatever I may have misinterpreted before, I do not misinterpret your letter this morning, but read in it nothing else than love and kindness towards me to which my heart fully answers yes. I should like never to write about myself again -- it is not healthy to dwell on one's own feelings and conduct, but only to try and live more faithfully and lovingly every fresh day.
I think not one of the endless words and deeds of kindness and forbearance you have ever shewn me has vanished from my memory. I recall them often, and feel, as about everything else in the past, how deficient I have been in almost every relation of my life. But that deficiency is irrevocable and I can find no strength or comfort except in "pressing forward towards the things that are before," and trying to make the present better than the past. But if we should never be very near each other again, dear Cara, do bear this faith in your mind, that I was not insensible or ungrateful to all your goodness, and that I am one amongst the many for whom you have not lived in vain.
Those dreadful sheets and pillow cases! Pray give them away if you won't use them, for I don't want them, and can never set up house-keeping on that small stock.
I am very busy just now, and have been obliged to write hastily. Bear this in mind, and believe that no meaning is mine which contradicts my assurance that I am your affectionate and earnest friend
Marian.
My love to Sara. I can't write more today but will write to her another day.
MS: Yale. Endorsed: 1855. About her union with Mr. Lewes. Extracts published: Cross, I, 327-329.
Clarence Row | September 4.
Dear Cara
No one has better reason than myself to know how difficult it is to produce a true impression by letters, and how likely they are to be misinterpreted even where years of friendship might seem to furnish a sufficient key. And it seems the more probable to me that I misinterpreted your letter to me at Berlin 623 since I find that my answer to it produced totally false conclusions in your mind. Assuredly if there be any one subject on which I feel no levity it is that of marriage and the relation of the sexes -- if there is any one action or relation of my life which is and always has been profoundly serious, it is my relation to Mr. Lewes. If any expression or parallel in my letter bore an opposite construction it must have been, because you interpreted as of general application what I intended simply in answer to what I considered Mr. Combe's petty and absurd views about the effect on his reputation of having introduced me to one or two of his friends. Nothing that I said in that letter was intended as a discussion of the principles of my conduct or as an answer to your opinions on the subject.
It is, however, natural enough that you should mistake me in many ways, for not only are you unacquainted with Mr. Lewes's real character and the course of his actions, but also, it is several years now since you and I were much together, and it is possible that the modifications my mind has undergone may be in quite the opposite direction to what you imagine. No one can be better aware than yourself that it is possible for two people to hold different opinions on momentous subjects with equal sincerity and an equally earnest conviction that their respective opinions are alone the truly moral ones. If we differ on the subject of the marriage laws, I at least can believe of you that you cleave to what you believe to be good, and I don't know of anything in the nature of your views that should prevent you from believing the same of me. How far we differ I think we neither of us know; for I am ignorant of your precise views and apparently you attribute to me both feelings and opinions which are not mine. We cannot set each other quite right on this matter in letters, but one thing I can tell you in few words. Light and easily broken ties are what I neither desire theoretically nor could live for practically. Women who are satisfied with such ties do not act as I have done -- they obtain what they desire and are still invited to dinner. 624
That any unworldly, unsuperstitious person who is sufficiently acquainted with the realities of life can pronounce my relation to Mr. Lewes immoral I can only understand by remembering how subtle and complex are the influences that mould opinion. But I do remember this, and I indulge in no arrogant or uncharitable thoughts about those who condemn us, even though we might have expected a somewhat different verdict. From the majority of persons, of course, we never looked for anything but condemnation. We are leading no life of self-indulgence, except indeed, that being happy in each other, we find everything easy. We are working hard to provide for others better than we provide for ourselves, and to fulfil every responsibility that lies upon us. Levity and pride would not be a sufficient basis for that.
Pardon me, dear Cara, if in vindicating myself from some unjust conclusions, I seem too cold and self-asserting. I should not care to vindicate myself, if I did not love you and desire to relieve you of the pain which you say these conclusions have given you. Whatever I may have misinterpreted before, I do not misinterpret your letter this morning, but read in it nothing else than love and kindness towards me to which my heart fully answers yes. I should like never to write about myself again -- it is not healthy to dwell on one's own feelings and conduct, but only to try and live more faithfully and lovingly every fresh day.
I think not one of the endless words and deeds of kindness and forbearance you have ever shewn me has vanished from my memory. I recall them often, and feel, as about everything else in the past, how deficient I have been in almost every relation of my life. But that deficiency is irrevocable and I can find no strength or comfort except in "pressing forward towards the things that are before," and trying to make the present better than the past. But if we should never be very near each other again, dear Cara, do bear this faith in your mind, that I was not insensible or ungrateful to all your goodness, and that I am one amongst the many for whom you have not lived in vain.
Those dreadful sheets and pillow cases! Pray give them away if you won't use them, for I don't want them, and can never set up house-keeping on that small stock.
I am very busy just now, and have been obliged to write hastily. Bear this in mind, and believe that no meaning is mine which contradicts my assurance that I am your affectionate and earnest friend
Marian.
My love to Sara. I can't write more today but will write to her another day.
Citation
George Eliot, GE to Caroline [Mrs. Charles] Bray, East Sheen, 4 September [1855], Complete George Eliot Letters(2026), George Eliot Archive, edited by Beverley Park Rilett. https://GeorgeEliotArchive.org, Accessed September 7, 2026. https://www.georgeeliotarchive.org/items/show/93237