Edith Simcox, Autobiography, 22 May 1879
Title
Edith Simcox, Autobiography, 22 May 1879
Title
Edith Simcox, Autobiography, 22 May 1879
Sender
Edith Simcox
Recipient
U
Date(s)
- 1879-05-22
Place
London
Letter Content
Edith Simcox, Autobiography, 22 May 1879
MS: Bodleian.
Thursday 22 May 1879
I went on Sunday [18 May]: she looked ill and answered my anxious question by saying she was very ill. I must not stay long. Her face was like Watts' Paolo 492 with a deathlike expression of overpast pain. She had exhausted her powers of endurance in the attempt to do too much for -- I imagined -- the daughters-in-law: they weary her and she does not like to say so -- she said to me -- "One cannot enjoy vicariously" -- and then she checked herself and said she ought not to grumble. She leant back in her chair exhausted but told me to wait while she tried to remember what she had to say to me. -- It was to ask about the plan of shareholders for H. & Co. -- I answered very shortly and took my leave; before -- through all the grief for her grief and pain, selfish comfort came to me because she was able to bear my nearness; her hand rested in mine and when I kissed her in farewell, the dear cheek pressed itself caressingly on my lips. It is so sweet of her to endure to be loved.
On Monday [19 May] I went to ask and was told she was better, had been for a drive in the morning. Wednesday I wanted much to go but was hindered. I had settled mentally she would leave town on Thursday and thought to find out when or dreamt of lurking at Waterloo to meet her carriage by each possible train and press her hand once more -- risking the dread that she would as soon be alone. But it was not to be. She had left this morning, an hour or so before I called. I tried in vain to find a secret place in Regent's Park where to lie on the grass and sob out one's first bitter grief. It was a warm shady May day and strollers and children were everywhere -- also my moans were choked by the awful thought -- her desolation is even more complete than this.
MS: Bodleian.
Thursday 22 May 1879
I went on Sunday [18 May]: she looked ill and answered my anxious question by saying she was very ill. I must not stay long. Her face was like Watts' Paolo 492 with a deathlike expression of overpast pain. She had exhausted her powers of endurance in the attempt to do too much for -- I imagined -- the daughters-in-law: they weary her and she does not like to say so -- she said to me -- "One cannot enjoy vicariously" -- and then she checked herself and said she ought not to grumble. She leant back in her chair exhausted but told me to wait while she tried to remember what she had to say to me. -- It was to ask about the plan of shareholders for H. & Co. -- I answered very shortly and took my leave; before -- through all the grief for her grief and pain, selfish comfort came to me because she was able to bear my nearness; her hand rested in mine and when I kissed her in farewell, the dear cheek pressed itself caressingly on my lips. It is so sweet of her to endure to be loved.
On Monday [19 May] I went to ask and was told she was better, had been for a drive in the morning. Wednesday I wanted much to go but was hindered. I had settled mentally she would leave town on Thursday and thought to find out when or dreamt of lurking at Waterloo to meet her carriage by each possible train and press her hand once more -- risking the dread that she would as soon be alone. But it was not to be. She had left this morning, an hour or so before I called. I tried in vain to find a secret place in Regent's Park where to lie on the grass and sob out one's first bitter grief. It was a warm shady May day and strollers and children were everywhere -- also my moans were choked by the awful thought -- her desolation is even more complete than this.
Citation
Edith Simcox, Edith Simcox, Autobiography, 22 May 1879, Complete George Eliot Letters(2026), George Eliot Archive, edited by Beverley Park Rilett. https://GeorgeEliotArchive.org, Accessed September 7, 2026. https://www.georgeeliotarchive.org/items/show/91787